Think For Yourself

George Orwell wrote about 'groupthink' in a book long ago.  I am afraid it is no longer just fiction.  I think it has always been practiced, ie. clicky behavior in grade-school, college, and even at places of work.  I never liked the 'popular' group in grade-school, because when they were together they were mean.  My family is creative, eclectic, sometimes avant garde - but we are not mean people.  I have found that, when people play down to each other to be part of a group, they are not living up to their creative and intellectual potential.  They say (more and more the past decade) that there is safety in numbers, there are better discounts from monopolies, if you're not with us you're against us, etc.  In some MODERATE version of what they say this is all true. But there seems to be less moderation and more extremism in everything these days.  With all the technology, it is a lot easier to gossip, copy and paste, be the same as everyone else, etc. and try to be part of a group.  What they call social networks I find so ironic because it keeps people at home on a computer or a phone instead of being out in the workplace, which is social in itself.  I find it to be actually antisocial.  Before everyone had their face in a phone or computer 24 hours a day, did any kids shoot other kids in a grade-school?  I don't know if there is a direct correlation, but I remember playing with other kids on the block or neighborhood almost every day, which is a social behavior.  I think too much groupthink, whether it is promulgated by technology or not, limits creativity in individuals and in a society (and country) at large.  

The reason I am writing about this today is that I am hearing groupthink in some way in every news broadcast I listen to.  I heard it this morning when some diplomat was talking about a country as if they were far below ours, and as if I didn't have his same opinion that I was less of a person.  After about fifteen seconds of listening, I felt that my intelligence was being insulted so much I had to turn it off.  It's not just that I don't like being told how to think at the age of 55, but it does a country no good to encourage its citizens NOT to think for themselves.  How will we say we are the greatest country in the world when there is one group of people thinking for everyone and telling everyone they SHOULD think like them?  Are we still a democracy?  Are we the best country in the world or do we just like to say it to other countries?  George Orwell, my mom, I and others  have all seen it coming for a long time.  The best advice my mom ever gave me was in early grade-school, when the 'click' was mean and said that I couldn't join them.  She said not to pay any attention to them and not to  listen to them because they are not important to me.  One of my best friends was the most popular person in the group and class.  She never took sides, but I think they were jealous of my friendship with her.  I took my mom's advice and it has turned out to be the best thing she ever told me.  There will always be people who don't like us, as an individual, country, organization of countries, etc.  but if we turn life into a popularity contest what are we really?  I'm not talking about manners, because, as the Brits say, manners count.  But if we truly adopt groupthink instead of individuals adding to the creativity of the whole, I believe we're lost as individuals and a country.  Although even thinking can be taken to extremes

Shakespeare said 'To thine own self be true'.

Please Stay (10/10)

I saw something this morning on CBS Sunday Morning that made me want to write this blog. They did a special on the Dalai Lama and showed him with other important people in many different situations.  They mentioned how his country was taken from him in 1959 and he had to flee.  After such an important life and having inspired so many people, I was sad to hear what they said at the end of the show.  According to the reporter, the Dalai Lama said that with all the politics, maybe there doesn't need to be a next Dalai Lama.

 I believe that people need to be able to worship  whatever God in whatever way their culture or religion teaches them or in the way they discover on their own later in life. Worship is private and brings us a certain comfort level.  No matter what your faith is, there is most likely a leader of that faith.   For example, for the Catholics, the Pope is such an important figure as head of their religion that  people look to him in areas other than religion.  Most religions or beliefs have a head figure, and the people who practice that religion are INSPIRED by the leader to practice their faith.  I was raised a Catholic by a Father who was a strict Catholic (he went to Mass every day) and a Mother who was Catholic until later in life when she decided to learn about other religions ie. Unitarian, Buddhism, etc. I went to Catholic grade school and high school and a Jesuit College.  Since I have been out of the Catholic social network, I have discovered other ways of worship that bring me peace.  I have chanted SGI 'Nam Myoho Renge Kyo', the Tibetan 'Om Mani Peme Hum' and the Sanskrit 'Om Namaya Shivaya'.  I don't follow any of them religiously; I chant for my spirituality and my peace, and it does help me in stressful times.  I have a friend who I've spoken to recently (who I knew in college) and she now has a Buddhist room set up in her home and it brings her peace.

 I still have friends who are Catholic (one has even read the Vatican Papers) and last time I was in Denver I saw the 'Cat'lic Girls'.  I attended Christmas Midnight Mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral when I lived in NYC.  But my personal, private practices of spirituality these days seem to be more Buddhist.  I chant for peace.  I chant that those who are in charge of our world make good, intelligent decisions.  I chant for my material well-being to return.  And when I need inspiration, I look at people like the Dalai Lama who is really a leader for Buddhists and others seeking spiritual inspiration.  We need our leaders; they are more important than heads of countries and heads of companies, who each have their own agenda.  I cried when Nelson Mandela died, not only for me but for the millions of people to whom he was a leader.  Leaders are universal, above companies and countries.  They are important because they can influence our behavior, and not only spiritually.  There is a picture of the Dalai Lama on the refrigerator and every time I look at it I smile. In turn, think of how many people I can have a positive influence on if I smile let alone the influence on my day.  Knowing how much he has been through, and that he still has a shining smile influences me every time I look at that picture. 

 Yes, Dalai Lama, we need you and we need your successor.  If you asked the Catholics, they would say the same about the Pope. Please stay for the benefit of all Beings!

    14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso with HH Karmapa, Ogyen Trinley Dorje

I consider myself to be just one among 7 billion human beings. If I were to think of myself as different from others, or as something special, it would create a barrier between us. What makes us the same is that we all want to lead happy lives and gather friends around us. And friendship is based on trust, honesty and openness.

                                              HH Dalai Lama today on Facebook              

Can Men Learn to Negotiate?

When I was watching the news this past week, and hearing about the wars all over the world: Ukraine, Middle East, Thailand, etc., I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs, "When will men learn to negotiate?"  Then later in the week, I was talking to a gentleman who I know casually, and I started to tell him about the 'trip of a lifetime' as my sister and I call it.  I decided to write about it and I think you will understand why.  I will not mention any names because I have not spoken to most of the people with whom we travelled, and do not have their permission.

 My grandmother, mother, sister and brother were down in the Caribbean at one point, and travelling around the area.  I was in a tough place because I had just broken up with a boyfriend that I was so in love with and wanted to be with forever.  Anyway, with nothing happening in the area I was living, I decided to join them and our long-time Mayan family friends down in Cozumel.  I had no idea what to expect when I got down there, but I called our family friend and he told me Mom and family were there, but not on the island at that point. I took the risk and went down there, hoping I'd find them. (Remember, these were long before the days where everyone had a cell phone.)

 When I got down there, my Mom and sister met me at the airport (a miracle).  Our friend had run into them at the airport and told them I'd be coming. My grandmother and brother had returned to the U.S. by then.  So we three made a decision to head across to the mainland, travel a bit and hopefully end up in Tikal, Guatemala.  We had every trust in our Mom, who was very well read and knew her way around. She and her Mom had done a lot of travelling, and at that point, we had done a lot of travelling with her.  So we started our trip...

 We had a travel book, probably Frommer's, so we could be somewhat loose in our plans.  At the beginning (when we were still on the ferry) we met up with a med student from Sweden and a girl from Montreal.  We talked, as travelers do, in whatever language we could communicate in. 'Where are you going?'  We think we are going to Tikal; let's see where our trip takes us. They joined us and so did a British couple who had been listening to us on the ferry.  We started down the coast, and by the time we got to Belize, we had a guy from Chicago, a guy from Boston, a guy from Wales and another Canadian gentleman.  When each person joined our 'group', he or she asked about our travels, asked where we were headed, and decided to be flexible in order to travel with our group.  In my experience, travelers are usually interesting people. We made our plans on the spot, within the limits of where we were; we were on the east coast of Mexico and we wanted to go to Tikal and Guatemala City, so we had some choices.  We all got along and did what we needed to do to communicate and enjoy our trip.  Each person was interesting and we learned about each other's culture. At that point, even Boston seemed like another culture, and 'Garlic' was from Chicago, itself foreign to me. Not one person had to be the controller of the trip.  We had to be flexible in order to even reach the next point in our travels.  We used mostly busses, but we also flew in a small plane and took a long train ride to Mexico City.  Climbing the pyramids of Tikal and walking through the jungle was one of the most beautiful things I've ever done. The sound of Howler and Spider monkeys was deafening when we were at the top of the pyramids. We even had a Guatemalan take us to a tree where a Howler was right above us in a tree; it was incredible!  We stayed a few nights at the park, but we were told by a German traveller not to go to Guatemala City (it was not safe for Americans), and that we should leave Guatemala immediately.  That is when you learn who you are travelling with.  We took a boat up a river to leave the country the back way, and had to stay overnight on a small island with no hotel.  A Guatemalan brother and sister caught us an animal for dinner,  cooked it on the fire, then let us stay in some palapas they had, for that night.  We were so deep in the heart of the jungle, that when I looked down, the ground was a half inch thick with moving bugs. But one of our group had a guitar, and he played and we sang to get our minds off of it. The natives, a young brother and sister, were two of the kindest people we met on out trip. We were able to communicate with them in our limited Spanish, and they did whatever they could to help us. The next day we were pulled over off the river once, but we made it out safely!  We made it as a group that negotiated our way out of a country that was not at peace right then.

 We travelled together to some of the states within Mexico, hiked Palenque and Montealban.  As we went, of course some of the members dropped off along the way. We wished each other well, and talked about how much fun it was.  We exchanged addresses with every one of them.  My mom, sister and I ended up taking a 36 hour train ride to Mexico City, on which I had a swollen tooth and gum that was so painful I could barely talk. But we met people on the train and talked, sang and danced with them the whole way. I will never forget this one woman who had everyone clapping their hands and singing as a group.  It was fun, and once again we communicated in whatever way we could, negotiating our way to make the most of the train ride.

 The whole trip was so fun and adventurous, I have never again had one like it.  We met interesting people from all over the world and travelled together, not having a pre-set plan in mind, i.e. where should we go tomorrow, where should we stay, where should we eat, etc.  We negotiated our way through three countries, some of it scary, and made it out without any fights, arguments, disagreements, etc. Think about how flexible we all had to be to make it happen and make it fun!   I listen to the news now because I like to be informed, but every time I do I think, "Will men ever learn to negotiate?"  I have lived it and negotiation works.

Nature in Poetic Words

Hello, I have decided to put some of my poems in my blog, since the last few entries were about nature.  I have always enjoyed nature and I wrote these particular poems after a trip to the mountains. My Mom and Grandmother used to love picnics, hiking and camping in the mountains. 

​Mountains

The sun sinks low, stream rolls on:

The only sound: a running fawn

Ah!  What better a place to hide away

Sittin on a rock 'til the fading of day.

The Aspen trees, the whispering sound

Shadows creeping from sky to ground.

The mellow breeze now takes it's course

And sweeps me off with unthreatening force.

The day is coming to a close my friend

With but one feeling I hope to extend:

The very sensation of feeling free

Leaving no doubt, the mountains are the place for me.

Butterfly

With wings of varied colors;

So distinctly are yours seen

Printing an abstract aversion

Like the dressings of a queen.

With grace of a royal princess

So passionately you flit

Yet indifferent as to the flowers

Upon which you gently sit.

Such beauty is your own

Ne'er reflected, not by one.

With your freedom never hindered

May you someday reach the sun.

In Costa Rica near a butterfly preserve with my mom and sisters, Jacque & Crissy

 My Mom and Grandmother also liked to take us on vacation to Mexico.  The following poem I wrote after a trip to the Caribbean. 

Playa Azul

The foam with it's ever-changing patterns,

White as a dove,

Waters my mouth as cotton candy,

Fluffy

Heavy, with flaming ripples,

Turquoise more intense than the chieftan's dressings,

Dance the waves swiftly,

Gracefully

Entrancing, with smooth and constant motion,

Blue as a mirror against the sky

Changes the color as a lake in the midst of night

Clear

With coral influence as scattered prints,

Deep as the mountains at midnight

Still, shimmering the reflection of the sun

Glistening

I hope you enjoy these entries. Thanks for reading my blog.

Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit

There are a lot of ways to stay healthy as we get older.  I am independent and I want to stay that way. I have my own personal routines that I do to help me to stay healthy in body, mind and spirit.  For example:  I walk most days, some days not as much, some days more.  While I lived with my sister I didn’t have a car. I walked to the library twice a week and that was eight miles total.  Two other days a week I walked four miles to the store.  For two years I walked an average of 25 miles per week. It not only made me feel better physically, but it saved me mentally and emotionally, as well.  I walked through nature reserves most of the way and saw chipmunks, rabbits and birds.  While I was on these walks, I appreciate my spiritual nature as well as mother nature.

Zion National Park, Utah

When I’m home evenings, while I watch TV or listen to music, I am stretching my arm and leg muscles most of the time.  I even stretch while I have my coffee in the morning ie.  stretching my neck, arms, legs and facial muscles. My friends do yoga, my sister walks her dog, my brother rides his bicycle to the harbor almost every day (approx. ten miles) then rides his bicycle home.  Sometimes my sister and I put on music and dance around the house for exercise and fun!

I’m not a health fanatic; I love to bake cookies, have a glass of wine, and I love my potato chips. Apart from these things, I do what I can to help myself feel better in body, mind and spirit. Sometimes when I put on my make-up in the mornings, I talk to myself to work out my problems.  This way I don’t go out and take my issues on other people.  This way I can show my better face to the world, they don’t have to deal with my problems because I’ve already worked them out.  Staying healthy is work but I want to stay independent. I work at it every day, I’m a work in progress...

With my sisters Crissy & Jacque & Cesar. We all wish him a speedy recovery.

Sharing Warmth, Love and Compassion

I feel very fortunate that I grew up with the following:  we had a loving mom and dad, the same house was in the family for 40 years, a grandmother that lived across the alley, and we had three complete meals a day.   With the average family now moving six times while the kids are still in school, I was more fortunate than I knew while growing up.

I have had people do good, loving deeds for me and now I try to pass on these positive actions to others who haven’t had as good fortune as I.  Sometimes my actions are passed on in small ways, like baking and sharing with my neighbors, volunteering for the Red Cross after a disaster or mentoring kids as a Junior Achievement advisor.  Sometimes it is as seemingly insignificant as talking to someone that needs to hear something positive.  I can tell it makes us both feel better.

 I think it’s great that my brother Mike has passed on his compassion and caring to the Sanchez family of young men, as he has done several times before.  It takes concern for those other than yourself and energy to do that for a family; you have to have the love in your heart enough to give to another full time.  Neither Mike nor I had kids in this lifetime, but we both pass on our warmth, love and compassion in as many ways as we can, and I want to tell him I think it’s cool!

I see sharing in many ways, from famous personalities giving back to their communities, to people I love sharing their warmth, love and compassion with me. These are example of people building good karma for themselves and this world. There is no such thing as too much good energy happening in this world. 

Knowing When to Lead and When to Follow

I'm still alive and well. I've had a little more time to look back on my life the past few years.  From the beginning, I've found a pattern in my life and it seems to be all about dancing.  Dancing makes me feel better in body, mind and spirit.  

I started dancing with my friend and my sister in our basement when I was very young.  Then my grandmother took me to a tap dance class all of one summer.  In eighth grade, I had a dance teacher that had danced with Fred Astaire and she taught us a step routine that was unequaled.  Then in high school, my boyfriend and I would spend hours practicing our dance routines in his basement.  We took those routines and danced out in public together: the robot, the hustle, etc. The summer before I went to college, I worked training as a dance instructor for Arthur Murray studio.  We would practice our dances at the discos with our instructor: the NY Swing, the Salsa, etc.  College was less about dancing for me since it was hard work, but I did attend a few dances there: a Sadie Hawkins and a Prom.

My mom and grandmother had taken us to Mexico, the Caribbean and Costa Rica since I was twelve, and we always danced there: at the hotels, the discos, etc. with the local boys. While working at my first job for a corporation, after college, I was dancing with a colleague at a sales meeting.  He said I was the best dancer he had ever danced with because I could follow.  I was so surprised because he was Italian and I knew he had danced a lot.  I am a woman and an Aries; this is a tough combination for me.  I am naturally a leader, bossy & avant garde.  As the years have gone by, I've realized the importance of my colleagues' comment.  Life is very much like dancing; sometimes you lead and sometimes you follow.  Like in dancing, in life the wisdom and maturity in knowing when to do either is the most important thing. Since my early corporate days, I've danced in every state from NYC to California.  I've even danced in Spain and Morocco.  In high school I danced in The Unsinkable Molly Brown. Now I think I am her.

At a club dancing with my sisters Chrissy & Jacque. 

Family and Friends

There are movies that talk about friendships; my personal favorite is ‘Sex and the City’.  The reason is that, in the show, the four women go through individual jobs, men, experiences, etc. and through it all, they still have each other.  I feel that way about my family and friends.  I am lucky to have five siblings, three of which I am in contact with often.  And I have about six friends who I’ve known for up to 40+ years.  There have been times when our lives have led us in different direction (kids, marriages, different cities, etc.), but when we need each other, we are there.

In the last several years my personal situation has been less than stable. During this time each one of my family members and friends has come through for me in some way or other. Although they know that I am not comfortable in the ‘needy’ role, they came through for me anyway.  Neither my family members nor my friends are like me. We all have different opinions on a lot of issues. We live in different areas but we still have each other, and this has gotten me through, even in bad economic times.

Each of us goes through our experiences individually. For example, nobody else knows how I feel when I wake up to another day without a job and feel my cynicism growing. As the day progresses and I hear from a friend or family member, I feel more secure and remember that I still have those people that I love, in my life. There are many varieties of tough times but for me family and friends have always gotten me through the tough cycles in my life.

L-R My mom (God rest her soul), myself, my sisters Jacque & Chrissy in Costa Rica.

Morale vs Morals

One thing I have learned, in my later age, is to appreciate things that give me and other people good morale.  There are groups of people and individuals that live to judge others based on their own ideas of morals, under the names of social mores and religion. I think judging others is an excuse to feel superior on their part. I’ve experienced  a lot more of this in the past decade than ever before.

With technology being so much more widespread, ie. In just 15 years everyone has a phone, most cars have GPS, everyone has a computer, etc. It is easier to gossip, judge and spy on people.  With the spread of technology, I haven’t seen or read any better news, jobs or better economics for the average person but there are just more devices on which to receive this  information. 

In this period of time my economics have been worse, so I’ve had to rely on my experiences that increase my morale such as getting into the wilderness, hiking and traveling.  During bad times, a lot of people turn to religion to make themselves feel better.  I have found that some of these religious groups seem to focus more on morals and judgment than on spending their energy increasing someone’s morale.  What makes me feel better is smaller actions from people that actively practice increasing other people’s morale.  I am fortunate to understand what I can do to foster good morale. For example, I have been able to incorporate good morale into my marketing jobs by offering  customer promotions and positive employee incentives. I am sensitive enough to be grateful that l have had the opportunity to practice some good karma in this area.

Appreciating Human, Animal and Plant Nature

Isn’t it amazing how our focus changes as we get older?  I used to be more concerned about my career, meeting the right guy, etc.  Some of these things have come true and some haven’t.  I don’t know if it’s because I’ve had more time the last few years to do things like hiking, walking and climbing a mountain, but I appreciate nature in all its forms more now than ever.  Maybe it’s even because it affects everyone that there are more cell sites (for phones) and satellites (for GPS) now that everyone has these.  I don’t think most people even realize how much this has affected their own life, let alone all of nature.  So I focus more on the real nature of people, animals and plants now, because it will probably never be back the way it was before all this technology.

I know that when I see a tree blooming, flowers blooming, even a person who does something really good, I feel it deeper, since the technology has made things more superficial for the generations  growing up, in the last fifteen years.  (Fifteen years ago very few people had a cell phone).  I was out of work for a few years and spent a lot of time with my sister’s dog.  When I was younger, I wouldn’t have given him much attention.  But now that I’m older, we became friends.  You can actually feel the nature of an animal.  Animals are smart.  Sometimes when I’m feeling down, I’ll be walking along and talk to a cat, it just knows it makes me feel better.  I was walking the other day and my eye hurt.  A neighbor came by with his dogs and they went right up to my eye and started licking it; they had never even come that close to me before. It’s so cool if you take the time to notice their nature.  They talk about this in the Celestine Prophecy, about how you are closer to God when you give focus to nature.  I’ve learned human nature even better since I’ve been through some deep up and down cycles.  I’m even more sensitive now to those I love.

Hiking with Jesus Sanchez in Utah

Another one of my favorite books that taught me to appreciate nature is “Wherever You Go There You Are” . This is another book that taught me to make the most of my situation at the time. When I read that book I had moved from New York City to San Diego. The man I moved out here with thought there was nothing happening in this smaller city. I thought that the natural beauty was perfect for me. I began to walk on the beautiful harbor in the morning before work, walk along the beach on weekends and I didn’t miss the big city life at all. I was grateful for the natural beauty where I was.

Life is Cyclical

I have had some tough years this past decade.  I’ve had tough economic times before but this time it has lasted longer; financial stability effects every situation in your life. What I realized when I sat down to write a friend recently is that I have also had a lot of good fortune in my life. Life is Cyclical. In the past I’ve had some jobs that allowed me to travel a lot, to live in cities I wouldn’t normally have lived in, and to be very independent in my work and in my life.  At times this past decade I’ve wondered “Have I used up all my good luck?”  Have I had the best of relationships behind me?  And have I had the best of jobs behind me?

The responses from my friends were of their past tough economic times which I didn’t remember because I was in the midst of my own good years, at that time. It made me realize that they had each gone through what I am now going through, just at an earlier time. One of my friends, after experiencing a serious head injury, had over 10 years of job insecurity following the accident. Another friend from college, after having worked for an attorney for 10 years, had to work at a much lower income level and had to move home to her parent’s house for several years. These were very difficult and insecure years for my friends. Both of their lives turned around after that and their economic situation improved and stabilized, once again demonstrating that life is cyclical.

I also have come out of tough economic times before.  For example, I wanted to come to the beach for my birthday and because of an offer from my brother, here I am.  This trip also included a writing opportunity which I hadn’t expected. When good things like these happen, it turns the fear and cynicism into a positive mental experience, and I realize that I have not used up all of my good fortune.  It is a start in the right direction and once again I remember that life and fortune are cyclical.

With my brother Mike at Bryce National Park, Utah